Shadizzle Champlizzle
by Momosportif
Summary: Inspired by the awesome beats cranked out by SalomeSensei in chapters 17 and 20 of "Get Your Leg Off Me". Please read her hilarity to fully appreciate this. All and any SamCham raps I come up with will go here. Enjoy and word up to the SamCham creators.
1. Phatigue: Jin Gives In

Phatigue

[The scene opens on an average shop front of a standard dining establishment with crowd banter foley. It is night and lantern light shines through the curtained doorway. The camera enters and progresses to a table where the familiar trio of Jin, Fuu, and Mugen is seated. Ample drink has been consumed, as is evident by numerous discarded cups. Mugen mutters something doubtlessly lewd and provokes the following response.]

[Jin, quietly]: I'm tired.

[Mugen, regards him curiously]: What?

[Jin, severely]: I said 'I'm tired'.

[a beat starts, Jin adjusts his glasses]

I'm tired of offenders

And I'm tired of pretenders

And I'm tired of you players who are frontin' like contenders

.

Girls talkin' up their sex appeal

Boys say they'll bring it with the steel

But I'm not buyin' what you're sellin' 'til I see that rap for real

.

'Cause there's a girl in every town

Who says that she can throw down

And there's a guy in every stand who wants to spread his rep around

.

But if you try and call 'em out

Man, there isn't any doubt

You'll find their bark and not their bite is what they're really all about

.

So trade your words in for a spine

And bust some heads instead of rhymes

And if it turns out you don't got it, bail up front – don't waste my time

.

'Cause I'll cross blades if you dare

And there's plenty here to share

But if you're really just all talk I'll take this business elsewhere

.

If you can't keep it in your pants

Don't come 'round until you can

And don't think twice about my bed if you're lookin' for romance

.

If 'I want you's what you mean

Don't think you'll get this ronin

'Cause you won't hit this in your lifetime if you don't come clean

.

Don't want you boys and girls

Keep your diamonds, keep your pearls

Real men and perfect ladies is all I'm shoppin' for

.

Cause what you see is what you get

That's a promise, not a threat

I'll send you to the other world as soon as bring you back from it

.

Yeah, listen up, you bros and hos

My number one's my Bushido

And though I killed my sensei, still represent my dojo

.

Two katanas in my obi

And an open road before me's

All I need to get along if you just want me for my body

.

Now I give props to those I've lost

And remind you not to flaunt

I came, I saw, I said my bit so arigato gozaimasu.

.

[Jin bows then tosses his head back and coolly retakes his seat]

[The room sits in a stunned silence]

[pause]

[Everyone, save Mugen and Fuu, offers to buy him a(nother) drink]

[Jin accepts]


	2. Theme and Variation

Inspired by the holy awesome that is Quincy Jones starring Will Smith, and still in a rap-ish mood (from SalomeSensei's killa rhymes) I rewrote the lyrics of the Fresh Prince of Bel Air theme song from Mugen's pov. I think it's destiny.

**OH, OH, OH! Update**: I made this into my first amv if you're interested. It's on youtube Fresh Prince of Bel Air Parody: Mugen's Version. Please, if the mood suits you, enjoy the poetry in motion (and color!)

* * *

Theme and Variation

Now, this is a story all about how

I'm now lookin' for the samurai who smells like sunflowers

I know ya wanna hear it

So I'll give you a clue

'Bout how I came to be travelin' with the tight ass and Fuu

.

In the southern Ryukuu islands born and raised

On the coastline is where I spent most of my days

Rollin' die, drinkin', developin' my groove

Tons of targets for practicin' my crazy cool moves

I got caught by the fuzz

And it was life or death

Stick around and get a head full or jump of off the cliff

It didn't take no thought, I mean, what else could I do?

So kawabunga! – I was on my way to the tight ass and Fuu

.

I swam and drifted my way onto the shore

Did a bit of wonderin', and I hadn't gone for

I came in for eats and saw this girl 'bout to bite it

Said she'd give me food, I thought I might as well fight 'em!

.

Weak guys, man, piece of cake

I said I wanted tougher punks, wanted to give things a shake

Then this prick stepped in with swords and shades

I thought hmmmm – let's cross blades!

.

So we draw, this guy is perfect, what a match

It's goin' great, we're blow for blow, until at last

The place is on fire

I passed out, Jin did too

We were down on our luck, but let me tell you about Fuu

.

The girlie brings keys, tries to bust us out

They catch her easy, and I'm, like, we're screwed, man, there isn't any doubt

So we're about to be beheaded

But in a flash

She dropped some fireworks, we lit out, made a dash

.

I caught up with the ronin and we were ready to go

If one of us was gonna win then, I really don't know

Cause suddenly came down the road, yeah, guess who

A mob of angry coppers and the crazy girl Fuu

.

She caught up to us both and pulled out a coin

She said "Heads do what you want, but tails come along"

And guess how it landed

Let me give you a clue

Now I'm travelin' along with the tight ass and Fuu


	3. Sistahs in tha House: Enter Grape Fang

S in tha house, homies! Presentin' my own rhymes inspired by the one and only SalomeSensei (don't disrespect the sensei or Im'll be up in your grill faster than Mugen and Jin can get in a fight) and usin' the players of a Mister Watanabe S. who keeps the anachronistic streets of our favorite samurai hiphop-flavored anime locked DOWN.

In the words of Young Joc, if you've got a problem say it to ma face in the form of an r-to-the-e-to-the-view, you know what I'm sayin'?

Holla back, my peeps, and I hope you enjoy this little tribute to one of the most pimpin' minor characters in the series: the Grape Fang (from ep 8)

-S

* * *

Oh, they call me Grape Fang

But, boy, don't hang on to the name

'Cause there ain't been one who remembered after losin' at my game

And, boy, I know just what you saw

You weren't lookin' at my jaw

'Cause you don't care what I say

'Less I'm layin' out my pay

But this woman ain't no ho

Not to say that I won't go

'Cause while you're eying up my chest,

Boy, you'll forget to watch the rest

So when the morning rolls around

And I done up and left the town

You can bitch about your wealth

But I'll be drinkin' to your health

.

Now, sisters, listen up

You go ahead and hate my guts

But you'll remember what I've said when some guy's staring at your butt

It don't take a ton of breast

Just a fraction of finesse

I'm not tellin' any lies

When it comes to bagging guys

'Cause what a man don't understand

Is that a woman's master plan

Ain't to get him into bed

But just to get inside his head

You mix some sake and a schmo

And you'll be pickin' up his dough

So, honey, give that ass a shake

And let's just see how much you make

.

So you players all around

When you wake up on the ground

And find out that you're just too slow

To see what's going down

You'll be calling me a bitch

And you'll be right 'cause I've been hitched

Since before you pups were chasing chicks

This vixen's had a clan of kits

And though my baby may be dim

I'm always playin' just for him

So though you fish might try and bite

You'll be back in the sea tonight

See, ladies, it's not always nice

But we can bring home our own ice

And you don't need a samurai

If you can out-drink any guy

.

Boy, they call me the Grape Fang

Step on up and play the game

And we'll see if after bottoms up you still can say the name


	4. Beats for the BrotherLovin' Brother

S here again, this time bustin' rhymes for our main boy Isaac, number one Dutchman playin' left, right, front, and center; battin' for all kinds of teams, you better believe it! I'd like to holla back to SalomeSensei who's the most gangstalene fanfiction writer from to the pages of LJ and the one who started these sick beats with her raps for Mugen and Fuu (man, you know you wanna check those out! She ain't called the sensei for nothin', my homies!) And finally I give props to our Mister Watanabe so I can keep this shit legit.

Got somethin' to say to me? You fools know how to press the review button, so no frontin'!

* * *

Spreekt er iemand Nederlands hier?

No, you say? Well let me make things clear

They sent me here on strictly business but I've got my own agenda,

So if you get a wink or smile I'm not trying to offend ya

But when I'm lookin' at the ladies I'm not thinkin' 'bout tonight

And when I'm askin' after players I'm not lookin' for a fight

I'm a brother-loving brother: Verstaat u mij?

I came to watch our sales but there's so much more to see!

.

In the Nagasaki sun

I've been lookin' for the one

A sandogasa on his head

Out sweatin' in the rice beds

Perhaps some stoic samurai

Hakama split down to the thigh

Or a servant of the word

Writin' for a feudal lord

Could be a sailor on the sea

Who'd claim his biggest catch was me!

And prints I see still pique my hunger

For masters of the moku hanga

.

Oh, I've met men pale and finely drawn,

But none pure white as cooked gohan!

And we have those who've seen sun,

But none so tan as anpan buns!

Back home I'm quite a strapping guy,

Here my head almost scrapes the sky!

But best of all there's no objections

No need to front 'bout my intentions

To seek out, worship, wed, and fawn

Over my luttel otto-san

.

But I'm not in a real big rush

And I don't want to ask too much

Of a land that's made my rep

Somethin' worthy of respect

.

Still I'll be keepin' out an eye

For when that someone passes by

Be he a sweet sakura bloom

Growing safe from gloom and doom

Or a wandering warrior spirit

Who can take it as'well as deal it

Or yet another craning neck

With sun-kissed cheeks made just to peck

.

I'll say "Ik hou van jou", he'll say "daisuki desu"

We'll look "recht door zee", and you can guess the rest

.

For now just know the name is Isaac, and, players, keep up on your toes

Holland's known for growing tulips; I aim to offer up a rose.

* * *

As you can tell I had to do a little shufflin' through the great pages of the net for some Dutch phrases, so, to keep all you players feelin' smart, I'll go ahead and translate them for you:

Spreekt er iemand Nederlands hier? - Does anyone here speak Dutch?

Verstaat u mij? - Do you understand me?

luttel - little

Ik hou van jou - I love you

Recht door zee - straight ahead (got this one from my Periodic Table of Languages Poster, so don't hate if you think it's random...it's supposed to be a sort of country catch phrase, but the US's is "Can do" an I don' be frontin' when I say I ain't ever heard no one say that, so I don know how legit it is...)

By the way, "moku hanga" is the art of block printing, 'case ya'll don' keep up on your japanese art styles.

Also, I know there's always a player out there who's got a ton more goin' on up there than I do, so if you know some of my translations aren't legit holla back pronto, boo! Language is a hobby an' I wanna be sure everything's straight, you got it?


End file.
